UCLA 101: A Survival Guide to UCLA Sports

UCLA sports can get confusing for people who are just coming to the school and want to immerse themselves in the athletic world of their university. Also, for women who are wives/girlfriends of UCLA junkies.

So here are some things to know about UCLA, as they stand in November:

  1. UCLA is a great school and has a prestigious athletics program — we have the most NCAA championships across all sports at 107.
  2. Currently, two programs bring in cash: Football and basketball.
  3. Our two programs that bring in cash suck right now.
  4. Our basketball program is perennially more appealing than our football program, which hasn’t been good for a painful two decades.
  5. Athletic Director Dan Guerrero is like the General Manager of UCLA sports — he hires coaches and staff and deals with other General Manger-y stuff.
  6. Dan Guerrero sucks as an Athletic Director.
  7. UCLA plays in the Pac-12, which is one of the top-3 college football conferences in the nation (the Big 10 and the SEC are the two others).
  8. Our cross-town rival is U$C and should always be spelled as such.
  9. U$C consistently owns us in football.
  10. UCLA is in a “recruiting hotbed” because it’s in Southern California, where talent in nearly all sports is rich.
  11. We are actually really great at everything outside of basketball and football.
  12. We took California’s (UC — Berkeley) fight song core; you snooze you lose, Cal.
  13. Ben Howland is our basketball coach and has done a fine job in years past — he’s been to the Final Four a couple of times a few years back. We’ve been stagnant since.
  14. Rick Neuheisel was heralded as the savior of UCLA football. He was a terrible head coach and there is currently a search for a new head honcho.
  15. UCLA is an attractive job because we’re in a recruiting hotbed and Los Angeles has a large market.
  16. The Pac-12 is a conference that guarantees bowl bids in college football. That means the winner of our conference is guaranteed a place in the Rose Bowl game against the winner of the Big 10 conference. Not all conferences have this luxury.
  17. We don’t get to very many good bowl games.

That’s it for now. We’ll update this list when we can and when it’s feasible. Until then, enjoy!


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